As I have been experiencing my first pregnancy this summer, my mother and I have been discussing how similar it is to women “getting old.” Her words not mine. But as the days pass and I tell her about a new challenge I have or a new ailment, I am thinking she is on to something. It is funny to us, but also kind of sad, because that means I have to go through this again and it’s going to last a whole lot longer than just nine months. Gee, I have something else to look forward to in about 20-25 years.
We have come up with a list of items to share with you that demonstrate how being pregnant is a lot like getting older. These are in no particular order and I am sure there are a few that will make you laugh out loud, especially if you can personally relate:
- Your hormones are raging, they are all over the place and you don’t know whether you are coming or going on some days. Everybody beware!
- You are hot all of the time. Hot flashes are a regular occurrence, you are constantly taking off clothes, kicking off covers at night and sleeping with the fan on full blast. Everyone else in the house is freezing while it is 80 degrees outside on an August evening.
- You need to hold onto a wall, bed post or counter to put on your underwear, pants, skirt or anything that goes on your bottom half. A new form of a balancing act is an understatement as you use one hand to do all of this. SIGH!
- You walk slower, move slower, bend slower, get up out of a chair slower and walk up the stairs slower. Your limbs have all of sudden turned against you and it’s so not fair.
You need one of those rubber mats in the bathtub to keep from slipping, grabbing the shower curtain and almost killing yourself as you get in and out of the shower! Did I mention your equilibrium is shot?
- Incontinence has become your new friend. You sneeze, you pee. You laugh too hard, you pee, You cough, you pee. You drink ANYTHING, you are running to find restroom at the nearest mall or store. You may even have to pull over while driving to go because you know you will not make it another 5 blocks. Yes, I have done this on a few occasions.
- Mexican, Jamaican, Indian, and well just about anything with a kick is SO not your best friend. Spicy food gives you heartburn ALL of the time and will keep you up at all hours of the night popping TUMS.
- You can’t bend over to pick things off of the floor. You realize you are very creative in picking up things you drop by using broom handles, shoes, umbrellas, your feet/toes or getting into a very awkward squatting position.
- Eventually, you can longer see your toes because of your stomach. Pregnant belly or muffin top…enough said.
- You are in need of a new wardrobe because your current clothing doesn’t fit your expanding mid-section.
- You don’t sleep through the night because of many trips to the bathroom and naps during the day are the next best thing to a slice of chocolate cake.
- Did I mention chocolate cake? You could care less if you indulge and eat all of those calories. All you care about is you want it, you need it, you have earned it and quite honestly who is going to stop you from eating it?
- You go to more doctors’ appointments, take more tests/screenings and give blood than you have ever in the past.
- Memory? What memory? You don’t even remember what you did 5 minutes ago or what you were planning to do in the next 5 minutes.
Now if this list hasn’t convinced you of the odd similarities of being pregnant and getting older or at the very least made you chuckle, then you are just clueless and hopeless. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed creating this list all summer. I am sure there are more similarities, but we can start with these.